Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Outrageous LIES

I just love an Outrageous LIE. Typically when I’m putting out milk, they’ll ask me if its fresh, I’ll just say, “I milked the cow this morning!” Yeah, right. That’s cute, but once I was putting out egg nog and forgot myself.

“Is that fresh?”

“Yes Ma’am, I milked the…uh…chicken this morning.” 😀


The difficult customer

I was just reminded of “Customer From Hell.” CFH is someone who finds things that are slightly out of place and demands that you make the situation right by giving her exactly what he believed was correct. For instance, looking at a table full of different products, picking the one she wants, and looking for the lowest price anywhere near the product and that is what he wants. How do you deal with CFH?

  1. Apologize. Its not hard. Its nothing personal, (I mean its “the company” apologizing, not you personally) and it stops defensiveness. Be careful what you apologize for. You apologize for the “confusion”
  2. Blame the “Policy”: “I’d like to give you everything in the store for free, but our policy is very strict about not allowing that. Darn that policy!” (Paraphrase please)
  3. Try to find something that will make things somewhat clearer, even though it may make nothing clearer at all. Move something, or tell them you will try to make things clearer when you have time.
  4. Thank you for pointing out the problem. Make them feel that they are contributing something and that their opinion is welcome. (This can be the difficult part)
  5. Mean it. You may not mean it at the time you are saying it, but a complaint is a complaint, and some people that haven’ t complained about the same thing might just never come back, because we’re a bunch of rip off artists. We need all the customers.
  6. Compliment. A CFH still spends a lot of money. You can’t always please them but any complement, or even a smile with yet another apology will soothe some of the hard feelings, because they aren’t getting what they want.
  7. If you objectively find what they are referring to confusing enough. Give it to them (if you have the authority) You don’t want to be unfair. You’d rather be taken advantage of, than have a customer believe they are being taken advantage of (or ripped off.)
  8. Make them your friend. Try to keep their interests in mind. If you see something you know they like on sale, mention it to them, or mention something that is a good buy, or perhaps something that is related that you have in the clearance area. You can’t lose, if you make it hard to get mad at you. Good luck.

Note: I’ve mixed up the genders because a CFH can be either.

This side and that side

How do you tell someone where something is. Often you’ll go along with them and show them. I usually don’t unless they are asking for something very specific, like a particular spice. If they are looking for “juice” or “shake and bake” which are more than four feet wide, I’ll just send them to the aisle number and tell them which side its on. I don’t like to use left hand side or east side. I always get left and right confused myself and if they go down another aisle for something and then go down the aisle from the other direction, left and right get reversed anyway. This side means it’s on the side we’re on and that side means… THAT side. I think it is the clearest and simplest.

If your in a store where the aisles run in 2 directions, this might not work very well, but if the customer can’t find it, he’ll think, “Where was that guy? Oh yeah, He was this way and he said it was on that side.” It’s pretty clear.

I try to head to the aisle afterwards to see how they are doing. It is faster that way than going at their pace.

Have some fun.

“Hi, did you find your oats?”

Answer1: “Yes I did.”

Reply: “Oh darn! I didn’t hide it well enough.”

Answer 2 “No I didn’t”

Reply: “Here it is.”

” Oh! Right in front of me!”

“We designed it to blend in really well, So you’ll find stuff you don’t need.”

Horse Radish

“Where do you keep the horse radish?” they ask. “Well, we keep our horse radish in the meat department (which is true) because OURS is made from real horses! (you decide)
If they happen to come by again, I’ll ask, “By the way, what part of the horse is the radish anyway?” What a fine visualization that makes!

How did he know that?

A fellow came up to me from the general directions of the meat department and asked, “Don’t you have any neck bones?” I said, “You’re right!” flopped my head to one side, “That’s why my head keeps flopping around.” I did go with him to see if we could find neck bones though. I really amused myself on that one.

Good Advice!

A couple of lady seniors asked me where the molasses was, and we just happened to be right beside it. “You would have seen it, if you hadn’t seen me.” then they asked,”Where do we find dates?” I just deadpanned, “Stay out of the bars.” Their eyes were tearing up as they laughed. That was fun.

Get ’em laughin’

I like to have some fun with my customers, but I try to be respectful too. It really makes your day to bring a smile to someone’s face.
I often get on my knees to work on the bottom shelves. Of course that brings on the, “Say one for me while your down there.” Lately my answer has been, “If your depending on me, your going to need a hand basket for where your going!”